She turns one this week. We made it! I remember those final moments in the hospital when I was hit with the realization that the nurses were not coming home with me… panic. The panic soon ended when I came home to my mom. She was there for almost 2 weeks. My confidence was building. Then 2 days before she was to return home the panic hit again. This time I was home alone. Brad left to go to the store, and my parents were having lunch with a friend. I was left alone with a newborn and 2 dogs. Someone left the door ajar (cough cough Brad) and our runaway dog, Dixie was out in no time. I ran out the door to holler for her, but she ignored me. I called Brad sobbing. The truth is I hadn’t learned that it was okay to put the baby down in her bassinet or some safe place and walk outside for a few minutes. He came back but I was mess on the floor. I was hit with the fact that I may not be able to do this. That someone was going to end up hurt, lost, or hit by a car. So I did what every hormonal person does, I cried. And for the next 2 weeks I would cry at the drop of a hat. And guess what? No one has died, been lost, or hit by a car. I realized thanks to the book, “On Becoming Babywise” that our family was a team. No one was more important or more special than anyone else. Although, there will be times that one will require more attention ☺
< That is suppose to a smiley face, I realize it looks like a frown face. 
I have learned so much since those moments when I realized I couldn’t do it all. I learned that I can’t do it all, but I can still do a lot. I learned that nursing is hard, it does not always come naturally, and O’Doul’s really do help your milk supply. I learned that formula isn’t poison. I learned that a mother needs “me” time and it is not selfish. I learned that sometimes you just have to ask for help. I learned that a good cry is just as therapeutic as the best psychiatrist. I learned that you have to write things down because the moments are fleeting. I learned that there really is such a thing as motherly intuition (and I think mothers should be given honorary medical degrees). I learned that the prayers I thought were fervent before my daughter was born were nothing compared to my prayers now. I learned babies really are resilient (thank goodness). I learned that dogs will adapt, and done correctly will be your baby’s greatest protector and first friend. I learned that your child awakens a part of your being you never knew was asleep. I learned there is nothing as heart warming than watching a man become a father. I have learned that becoming a mother was my favorite career move. I learned that I had no idea a child could bring so much happiness into our home.
I don’t know if I can explain this well, but I am going to try. Before I was pregnant, but I knew the time was approaching that I wanted to be, I would get anxiety in the middle of the night. Anxiety thinking that maybe in a year I will have a baby and my life will no longer be my life. That I will be giving up so much, particularly sleep - I was very worried about sleep deprivation (why that of all things I have no idea, but I love sleep). Then we had this healthy baby who, in our eyes, was beautiful and flawless. What were my anxieties pre-pregnancy were not all my anxieties once I brought her home. She was worth my lack of sleep. She was worth the birthing recovery. All the hardships I had in my mind before her, were no longer viewed as hardships, they didn’t even seem hard. (Ok, the newborn sleep cycles are hard, but she got sleeping down fairly quickly). My life is still my life, our life is still our life, but now we have this wonderful little person in it, who is ONE. Happy birthday my sweet daughter.
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